I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
