he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
