I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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