I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize