So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
