and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize