I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
