After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ladies don't puke and tell
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
