The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
