My hand turned me down
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
