The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
