im about as happy as oj after his trial
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your cock deserves a montage
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
