just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
