Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
