Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I want her autograph on my taint
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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