i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
foreskin is a definite game changer
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
