i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
