Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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