suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
