Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
