I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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