and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
