oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
