That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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