Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
