My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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