so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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