My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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