Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How does it feel to date your dad?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize