wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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