The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
