I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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