I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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