We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
