the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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