he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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