There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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