my phone needs a breathalizer
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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