My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
