I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
