He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
