i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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