my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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