You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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