Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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