This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize