He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
