I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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