You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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