How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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