What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
