Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
