If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize