we're blogging at a bar
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
