return my video game
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
