Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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