I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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