WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
