yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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