Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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