butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize