My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
