Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
