I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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