Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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