i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
