people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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