All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
