Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She bit a glass in half.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
