How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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