To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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