dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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