dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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