guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
