I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
