Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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