No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
