So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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